2011-02-02T07:06:00.000-08:00

red shirt + that damn guitar + ugliest braid evar. haha

2011-01-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

posting this for no other reason than that i love my dog. ;)

2011-01-23T22:47:00.000-08:00

its been about 24 hours since we broke up.
nothing is the same. nothing feels good.
i miss her. terribly.

i'm allowing myself to grieve, while at the same time retaining hope.
other things are going on in my life besides this, but this one is still the most important to me.
i convinced myself to quit my job yesterday, but after the break up i decided to keep it,
at least a little while longer until my heart has recovered a little more.
keeping busy is a good way to distract myself from thinking to much about her.

i talked to ken today and i compared the feeling of losing her, to death.
because it really does feel like she died.
one moment we're happy and in love.
and the next thing i know it, she's gone.

i could choose a target to be angry at. her parents. her brother. her.
but its both wrong and useless. they did what good families do. protect each other.
although i know i did nothing wrong, i know they dont know that
and they deserve for me to back off. especially since lauren asked me to.

my biggest fear and one i dont want to even think about, is the possibility that she didn't want to be with me.
and its my biggest fear because this has happened before. i feel like i'm always the girl who carries her whole heart in her sleeve, while the other person does it only halfway. but i honestly believe i'm being slightly paranoid. lauren isn't priscilla. or nick. lauren loved me back.

the toughest part is believing its really over. i want to cling to the possibility that we can still be together someday. someday preferably soon. the thought of it being over FOR GOOD scares the shit out of me. because i can't imagine life without her. i love her. so hard. and so much. i want to be with her. more than anything in the world, i want her. just her.

2010-12-30T10:06:00.000-08:00

Is there anybody going to listen to my story
All about the girl who came to stay?
She's the kind of girl you want so much
It makes you sorry
Still you don't regret a single day.
Ah girl...

GIRL.

My World, My True